Letter to you

LETTER TO YOU

Dearest darl,
I don't know how to put all these in words, I don't even know how to start, I have alot to say, but I'm feeling so empty as if my soul and spirit have been separated from my body.
I still remember how everyone told me, reminded me, and even warned me to stay away from you and to not trust you. By everyone, I mean those who are very close to me that I've shared our stories with. They said, it's not going anywhere, they said you were just using me for fun, they said at the end of the day, I'll be the one who gets hurt and suffer while you got nothing to lose, they said everything you said was just a lie to get what you wanted. Even my rational mind was telling me to avoid you, but my heart just didn't let me. This stupid heart of mine wanted to believe you regardless whatever everyone said to me. This idiot wanted to believe that even though I get hurt along the way, I'll be happy at the end of the battle. You gave me hopes. And so I decided to trust you and everything you told me. Apparently that was the stupidest decision I've ever made. To trust you is the biggest mistake, but falling in love with you was beyond my control, you made me fall in love and then you left. Things wouldn't be the way they are at the moment if you didn't start it at the first place..

Why did you do this to me..?
You knew about my past, you knew I've had a tough time when I was being used and fooled by someone few years ago, and now you did the same thing to me. Why? Were you trying to give me a lesson to never trust anyone like both of you? Were you just making fun of me bcoz you were bored and got nothing else to do? Is this my fate? To be cheated, to be fooled, to be hurt and to fulfill people's need? Of all people, why did you choose me to be hurt? What's wrong with me? Why me? What have I done wrong to you? What is my fault that I deserve all these?

I was so happy that I thought sadness will never occupy this heart ever again. I thought it's finally my time to be happy like everyone else. But again, I thought wrong..
I feel so numb that for these past few days, I did nothing but lying on the bed, staring meaninglessly at the ceiling, thinking what did I do wrong. My chest is in excruciating pain. But the weird thing is, I couldn't let things out from this chest no matter how painful it is. My eyes ran out of tears that I couldn't even cry to let go of this sadness. Is it because I've been living in pain for such a long time that I've got used to it and feel comfortable being hurt? Or is it because my mind knew this is how it's gonna be at the end? I don't know. All I know is that, my heart is so horribly damaged that nothing could come out from inside, either through the tears in my eyes or through the voice that wants to scream all the way out. Nothing comes out. Nothing. It's all empty.