If I could change

If there's something I wish I could change about myself, it wouldn't be just one thing, I have at least two on the top list.

The first one would be,
I wish I could forgive and forget. Sometimes I do forgive, but I never forget. And there are times where I neither forgive nor forget. However, that doesn't mean I'd declare war or express it either by words or actions. I keep it to myself. I'd hold it inside as long as I can bear it, and it can take years. The part that scares me is that, I tend to hold grudge against something, or someone. The thing with holding grudge is, it inflicts intense pain in here (pointing at my chest). And if you were to ask what type of pain it is, I'd describe it as a sharp, burning+throbbing pain. Well, that's the bad part of it. The good one? It keeps me stronger somehow. Strange, but true. I'm able to stand up steadily today despite what I've been through all my life, is because of that. But if you're wondering if I'd do anything for revenge, no I wouldn't cause any harm just to satisfy myself. As the saying goes, when you purposely hurt someone, the only one you hurt is yourself.

I find myself easily feel sorry, guilty or responsible for things I don't think I'm supposed to.
That would be the second thing I wish I could change, really.
For instance, some people screw things up, and even though it has nothing to do with me, I'd feel as if I have to make things right, so that things will be better, or at least back to how they used to be. And sometimes, I knew I was doing the right thing for me to do, but turned out it brought bad impact to other people or it hurt them somehow (even if they deserved it), I'd feel terribly guilty and changed my mind, bcoz if I didn't and just ignored it, I would be driving myself crazy and feel distress all day, so at the end of the day, I'll be the one who regrets doing what I myself chose to do to satisfy everyone. How f**ked up am I? I really hate that.