Hot-tempered

HOT-TEMPERED

..thats me. I've always thought otherwise because I never used violence to resolve any problems, well at least not since I was 10 when I used to rebel alot. I've always thought so, but not until recently when I figured that I don't just get annoyed or irritated easily, but I do get mad that easy as well. The thing is, when I get mad at something, or someone, I wouldn't let it out to what causes the anger, I'd rather keep it inside and feel the aching pain inside my chest for holding it there for God knows since how long.

Might wonder what are some of the things that can make me lose my temper?
For instance, I helped my youngest brother with his studies, but he couldn't remember whatever I taught him no matter how many times I kept repeating the same thing, I'd get mad, rasa mcm nak sepak2 je sbb tak focus masa belajar, the problem is, bkn die tak pandai, just suke maen2 tak kira masa dan tempat.
Another example, I was walking when someone bumped into me and stepped on my foot accidentally, grrr, seriously rasa cam nak mengamuk n maki2 org tu dpn public.

Yeah, I don't have the courage to scold someone and put the blame on them for whatever they did (not face-to-face, that is), hence people hardly know if I'm angry. I can still smile and laugh when I'm mad. Weirdo, ain't I? Most of the time you'll know I am angry when I just stay silent without any good reason, of course not when I'm in a library or studying. It's not that I am scared of anyone, I just am afraid that if I let it out, I cant get a hold of myself and that it might hurt anyone (well, I am abit sarcastic sometimes, aren't we all? Err maybe some of us, I dont know). I'm not pretending to be like an angel who easily forgives and forgets, for the fact is, I don't simply do those two things, eventhough I said I did. No, I dont seek for revenge, it's just that, I grew up by keeping whatever I feel inside, I didn't have an appropriate way to channel them out. And by doing that, I'm just sparing myself all the troubles and keep myself stressed out. I've always wanted to learn how to let things out from building up in my chest, as much as how I want to learn to forgive and forget.

p.s: Just got an account statement from MARA today, and I was like, what??? MARA has spent RM353, 474.24 for my studies! Almost RM400,000 for 2 years! Wow, that's a lot of money.