Addictive

PERSISTENT

Have you ever felt like you shouldn't be doing something as it isn't right, yet you still find yourself doing it? It's not that you didn't make any attempt to avoid it, you did, but like a magnet, it keeps pulling you back and so you get stuck, no matter how hard you try to resist.

It's like you're addicted to some sort of drugs. Everyone knows that taking drug is illegal except for the purpose of medication, but once you have tried it, and you knew it feels really good, you'd feel reluctant to stop taking it. Addictive.

I'm very aware of my doing, and the consequences that it offers as well.
I know the ending of the story, but what I don't know is HOW it's gonna end. Is it up to me to decide on that, or am I gonna have to wait for someone to end it somehow?
Sometimes I ask myself if I'm a freak,
for I find pleasure in hurting myself (not physically I shall mention),
like I know that I'd get hurt if I do something, yet I still do it and enjoy the pleasure of getting hurt deep down inside.
Now that I think of it, it scares the hell out of me, really.