I don't know how much longer can I keep my sanity..
Things are getting waaaaaayy too difficult at the start of forth year and I cant imagine how worse it's gonna be in the later stage..

I just started my first week of clinical attachment in CUH for ophthalmology and I already feel like my head is gonna explode, sooooo many things to read/learn/know/understand/memorize in only 5 days with an exam on the last day. I used to skip lectures/rotations since 1st year up to 3rd year (I'd say I skipped about 60% of all lect/rotations), but this year I HAVE TO give 100% attendance. That's gonna be really hard for me.

I'm not the nerdy type who study almost all the time, I'm a very lazy student, I've always been since I was small. The fact is, I never even dream of being a doctor before, I refused to do medicine after SPM and argued with my parents, but I couldn't say no, they want me to do this. Life in MRSM was already a nightmare to me coz that was the first time I had to really study hard to compete with other students, I thought that was it, I never want to live in that kinda life anymore, but here I am, in med school.. *sigh*

I don't know if I can do this, sometimes I wish I can just give up life as a medical student and live a normal life.. It has been 5 years of struggle, I'm totally worn out, this is so tiring.. I don't wanna have sleepless nights anymore..I don't want to depend on medication anymore to help me sleep normally..

I just want to have a life..